Before Breakfast

The individual. Certainly a very important part of creation and destruction. As I said before folks it is up to us to decide our own futures. Carve our own paths and be our own persons. We are all capable of many things, be it good or bad, and we all have the choice of how we want to participate in this world. I want to participate. I want to be an influential part of people's lives in a good way. But that dream is becoming more and more clouded by the fact that I may not be the person to lead when the time comes. When the time comes...a belief that I have had for such a long time. I have tried and tried to find my place in this world...or have I? For so long I have believed that my place is not in this world, but in the one that comes after this one. The one that exists after mankind has made its ultimate mistake and destroyed its own very way of life. I have validated this belief for so many years by thinking that one: since I cannot find my niche, it has to be somewhere else, and two: the system is broken and it is tough for a nobody like me to get ahead in this world because I do not have the right paperwork. Held back by the system that has been put in place to keep us going but ends up holding us back. But I can no longer blame my confusion on the system alone. The confusion lies within myself. It is a fact that has become increasingly obvious that I have decided not to deal with for quite some time. I have separated myself into two people when I am in fact one. There is me, Bryan, an intelligent, hansom man who has what it takes to forge a path in this crazy world, and then there is me, Knives, a destructive, angry part of me that has no idea what to do with memories of the past. The part of me that is Knives is a very sick, twisted individual that I do not want to consider part of myself. But the fact is that there is no one in my head but me. The sooner I merge with those thoughts and feelings and accept them, the sooner I can come back to reality and realize that I have a life to tend to, a family that loves me, and a fiancee who does indeed want to be with me and needs me more than ever. My anger, confusion, and lack of confidence has held me back for too long. A change is in effect and I must pull together and not dwell on how broken the system is, but do my best to participate in it and fix it as soon as possible. The individual my friends. We all have our own problems, demons we have to face, but together we can change the course of history. Slowly but surely, we nobodies must rise above ignorance and fear, to believe in ourselves and in our system. Don't talk about fixing the problem.....fucking fix it.